To my pet that left before I was ready …

We all have those pets that we lose before we are ready – basically that is just because we lose them in general.

To my companion – to my fur baby that left this world.

Regardless of when you left, I would have never been ready for you to go.

You see, we were a team. You were my first ‘baby’ as I toted you everywhere we went. You were my first in learning how to become the mother I am today.

I ‘potty trained’ you first. I taught you manners (well, as much as I could – when you were a pup you would jump up to get my sandwich while I was taking a bite out of it). I loved you.

You were in my life when I got engaged. You were at my wedding (LITERALLY – you were in the church with a decorative flower piece around your neck). –>

I have SO many memories of us together and very few of us apart.

I still talk about you. Our oldest daughter still talks about you and how she misses you. Our youngest daughter talks about you and she never even knew you.

You see, you were such a big part of my life you are still apart of it even after you left.

I swear that you gave your spunk and ‘onrey-ness’ to her when you left this world.

You seen me. You seen how much I cared for you. I seen how much you cared for Abigail, Garrett, & I (even Autumn, more than you would probably admit). You were my protector. You were Abigails protector even when she was still in my belly.

Even though you couldn’t see since you had went blind – you knew my belly was growing. You heard us talking – the same way when I was pregnant with Abigail.

You heard me. You heard the worry in my voice when I talked about you. How you were getting worse. How I wasn’t ready. How I didn’t want you to hurt or suffer.

You knew I would always be there. No matter what.

You knew it would break me to lose you.

You knew I needed you in my life, in my children’s lives.

When you started going down hill really badly I was thankful that I was off work and enjoying time with you and Abigail before this new baby entered our world.

You knew me. You knew how badly I would hurt and yearn for you.

You and I were a team. We knew each other without hesitation.

You could sense that I was going to be having this new baby and you didn’t want me to have to worry about you too.

You see, you knew before I did. You knew all week that I was in labor. You sensed it. The night that you would whine for me if I wasn’t by your side for 5 minutes. You sensed me. You needed me. I’m thankful to say that I was there for you.

I got very little sleep but I held you. I petted you. I snuggled up to you and you to me.

You and I both knew it was our last night together. I seen you hurting and I couldn’t let you keep hurting. Before bed that night we had Abigail to say her goodbyes because we thought for sure you wouldn’t make it until the morning.

But, you did. I couldn’t make the call. I remember I had to message my mom to call the vet for me.

Garrett called my mother in law.

My mom and her both came over to tell her goodbye. We all cried.

Oh goodness do I ever remember that day so vividly.

Dr. Retz came out and I held your head on my lap like I had been all morning. I think I told you I loved you? My mom said I did but I was worried I didn’t.

I remember you laying there. And I just held you. I cried. And cried. And cried some more.

We buried you in one of your favorite blankets and beneath the tree you would lay under outside when you were younger and healthier. We had two of those blankets and I wanted to keep the other one to always think and remember you.

We placed stone walking pavers over you so nothing would bother you and we would always know where you were at. (The girls and I have written messages to you on them. 💓)

That evening I gave birth to our second daughter, Rebekah. It breaks my heart daily that she doesn’t get to grow up knowing you like Abigail got to for 3 years.

You see, you knew me. You knew that I needed something to keep my mind busy and focused to be able to function after losing you.

Needless to say that day, although it is my daughters birthday, is a bittersweet day – even now.

I still think of you daily. We still tell you goodbye when we leave the house.

We still talk about you, tell stories, and have family pictures with you in them hanging in the house.

You are our family. Even if you’re not here.

One day I read the ‘Rainbow Bridge’ and cried like I lost you all over that day.

You see, I’ll see you again – one day.

Until then, I will think of you with a smile and a tear running down my cheek – both at the same time.

 

Do YOU have a pet story to share? I would love to hear!